Saturday, November 12, 2011 
i'm back to post.
well, for awhile only, or rather whenever i have the time.
i will try to update my blog post as and when i can.
so don't blame me if i didn't update.
i know i didn't update for quite some time already because i was busy with my school work,
BECAUSE my O' levels are coming.
i need to focus and study really really hard for it.
i only have the ONE CHANCE to get into a poly and the course i want.
if, if i can't get into a poly and the course of my choice...
i think i will end my life there and then already.
because it'll be hell for me if i can't get into a poly.
i will end my life.
i will not allow others to look down on me.
i control my own fate.
i will, do as i've said now.
because if i can't get into poly, no one will pity me.
no one will be responsible for me,
no one will be there for me.
i'm alone again.
all that talks about forever with you, are great memories.
should i end my life,
it wouldn't be your fault.
so please carry on living happily.
i'll pray for you.
being along isn't all that bad.
because afterall i'm used to it.
people come and go in my life.
i'm so used to it already.
being hurt all the time is like nothing to me anymore.
i'm not afraid, of anything.
i'm not afraid of death.
because my life, is pointless and i'm in the endless tunnel.
no matter how much i wanted to leave the tunnel, i don't know how to.
and the only light that gave me hope and gave me directions to go, has disappeared.
so it doesn't matter.
i've tried commiting suicide twice.
well, in fact, many times.
i just can't take it anymore.
i cut my wrist, deep enough for me to feel the numb-ness of my hand.
but in the end i stopped and tried to stop the blood from flowing because there's you.
i ate many pills too...
had the intention to commit suicide to end my life.
but stopped at the last minute because of you.
but now, i've got nothing to worry about.
nothing to stop me.
nothing to make me want to continue living my life anymore.
i'm just alone...
even my family don't bother.
my life isn't fair.
so just forget it.
i'll take things really easy from now on.
i'm done with.
i'm finished.
Written off blah blah @ Saturday, November 12, 2011.