Monday, May 10, 2010 
hey guys (:
know what it means to be strong ?
do you ?
well, i think i don't know.
you know, i always feel that i am strong enough to handle my problems.
and to always be there for my friends when they need a shoulder to lean on.
but until today, i know that i am never strong enough to handle my problems, nor my friends.
i know that because a friend of mine,
whose one family member had passed away.
and that i guess he must be in pain and sufferings.
just that he keeps mum about it.
sometimes, it is just guy issue, you know ?
guys have their "ego" that actually prevents them from crying out loud like girls can.
because girls, don't really think much about the things they do.
and in my opinion, i think that girls are not weaker than guys,
just that girls, do not have 'ego'
not saying about guys and their 'egos'.
just sometimes it links to that.
today, that friend on mine, cheered me on my exams.
which i am truly happy:)
because he did.
and i was worried for him because one of his family member is back...
something he said actually made me shed a tear.
he said :' pain also have to bear(: '
because he said that, i cried for a short moment.
than it made me realised that i am not only weak, but very very weak as compared to him.
and i told him, I'm ashamed.
because despite all this problems and things that happened to him.
he didn't choose to give up.
he choose to continue going.
but me ?
i choose to give up.
what happened to the fighting spirit that i had when i was in primary school ?
what happened to that me who said never give up no matter what ?
what happened to that me who is determined to never cry again ?
what happened to that me? where did that me go to ?
what actually happened to me ?
where have i gone to ?
i really don't know why..
but anyways, none of it is important anymore.
i am determined to be strong.
and i am learning how to be strong.
a friend once told me, 'when something happens, it is a test. a test to see how good you are. and not how weak you are.'
until now, i don't understand what it meant exactly.
but i want to learn to be strong like him.
until i can, i think i have to keep working on it.
but i guess, i will never become as strong as him.
because he is that kind of guy that will always be there to support and to cheer others on even when he has serious problems.
but i don't think i can.
i feel so terrible today..
after knowing that the incident he told me.
i made him listen to my stupid problems at school.
i'm so insensitive...
god..
don't know why but my tears just keep falling right now...
the water tap has just been opened and is spoiled.
i wish i can make it up to him...
but what can i do to make it up ?
am gussing that he like plushies:)
hahs..
going on a shopping spree again..
yayy:)
alrights, going to bed already.
there's biology paper and social studies paper tomorrow:)
loveyou:)
Written off blah blah @ Monday, May 10, 2010.